What can you say about love? Anyone who has felt the sharp sting of love’s arrow knows that it flies in the face of all logic, defying sense without reason or care. It isn’t about what is right or sensible and it drives us to do things that under normal circumstances we would avoid.
Yet despite that, we spend our lives searching for love. Without it, we are never complete. The love of friends, family and that special someone are forces that ultimately make us stronger, more rounded people. We yearn for it, even though it distracts us and takes over from more sensible pursuits.
Equally, we cannot help falling out of love. If we wake up one morning to discover that whatever we felt yesterday is no longer there, then we cannot be blamed for that: our feelings are uncontrollable. What we can be blamed for, and what is so often abused, is how we reveal this information to our unfortunate partner.
There can be arguments and fights and desperate pleas to rethink our stance, but those efforts by our partner to cling onto us will turn out to be futile. We must allow that to be known: once the love is gone, we must demonstrate this. Yet so often, so many of us go on in bitter silence, cheating or treating our partner poorly without facing up to the fact that there is no longer any point in us continuing our relationship.
We are slaves to our feelings, but when those feelings disappear we must ensure that good sense and decency return. The longer that we remain somewhere we do not wish to be, the longer we make our suffering and the suffering of those who are still ensnared within the prison of passion.
Falling out of love has never been easy. It will never become easy. It’s as much of an emotional battle as falling in love can be. There’s no easy way to say “I don’t love you anymore” but there are certainly a lot of hard ways to do it.
As we listen to our partner pleading with us to stay, we need to remember that the kindest thing is to make our feeling clear and leave – even if it seems like a terrible thing to do at the time.