The Heineken Hero

On bold enterprise you go. Onward!
Mighty as you are, summon yet more
Strength so you can begin that long
And dangerous journey home.
Advance, wary traveler! The task maybe
Arduous but the prize is highly valued.
After hours spent in celebration, enjoying
Beer, good food and better company
(An evening of an art well practiced),
The time has come now to retire.
Oh, retire not! calls the merry pill
That you slipped under your eager tongue
Earlier in the evening. The buzz remains
But the peak is well behind you now
And that high is only downward from here.
Still, upright, strong, determined to go on,
Try to defy the high! It calls to you once more.
Yet you know tomorrow will dare to come
Sooner than you desire, threatening
Vengeful reminders of dreary tasks
To follow this enchanting night. And so
Reluctant, with one final swig, you choose
To go on your way, brave soul. Youthful pride
Follows you, ever present in your swagger
As like a champion you gleefully mount
Your roaring steed, to make haste home
Upon that raging beast. Alas, some sober friend
Advances now towards you, great champion,
With warning words to seek another’s aid.
The steed’s reigns are removed from you, voyager;
They are pocketed, though they will be returned.
Not deterred by this, you choose to go on foot,
Rather than climb into the back of another’s chariot:
For the reward is great, and worth the risk
Of wandering home at night along these streets.
The creatures bitter, dark and brooding
Lurking around corners are aware
That worthy travelers can lose their way –
Or perhaps their wallet, in some unfortunate situation
Involving a passer-by who deceptively targets
Great lovers of alcohol. So forge on, bold one!
Take each step carefully; do not hesitate to think
But make the decisions of a hero, and move
With haste. Walk through these streets with confidence,
For tonight you are their king: the world can be yours
If only you demonstrate forceful intention.
There is not too far to go; the way is winding
But good. Hero, you move with head held high,
Eyes on the lookout for some unruly characters
To avoid or engage. Let booze and drugs speak for you
When the time comes. Yet tonight, they hide; evasive,
They skulk in shadows, edging slowly closer
And this champion feels their eyes. To withdraw
Is not an option, and so you must face them
Should they foolishly dare to strike.
Not far from the glories of home, strike they do.
You, brave one, face them, drawing your sword,
Meeting the foe’s to do combat upon these streets.
You circle one another, each watchful of the other;
Yet the foe, scheming and unscrupulous,
Does not work alone, is not so bold as to try:
With allies he brings you down, mighty champ.
When you come around, you’re going to discover
You’ve been beat up and mugged by those guys.


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