The Cycle by Basilia Eyowel

[Poem for the recovering addict, the one fighting to be free from the demons of addiction]

I’m awake
Eyes open to a day that has never existed, a new day
And the cycle continues
I think I’m okay
I think I’m not
I’ve stopped counting
Consciously avoiding the number of days I’ve spent without you.
I feel like if I keep track, I’d come running back to you
My wings are broken
My legs are numb
I want you
So bad I crave you like this air rushing into my lungs
I can’t breathe, for a second I lose my head
It’s spinning, I get busy to evade the very thought of you
But it’s not working, never did
It’s like I’ve fallen into your arms cold again but in my mind
It’s like you’ll never let me go
Like you’re tattooed on my brain
Forever
The first day we met, I was curious and for sure curiosity got this cat trapped, waiting to be killed
I think I love you but only because you put a gun to my head
Only because you took control of me and of this mirage I’ve become accustomed

I’m awake
I open my eyes to the light of a new day
And the cycle continues
I’m not okay
I think I want you
I’ve so easily forgotten the baggage
The torture you bring
The mental scars still fresh and yet I want you even more
The feeling of being invincible yet so vulnerable
This pearly gate you opened to me,
I looked through and saw that all that glitters was pure gold
Gold buried in thorns, which
For you I’ve bled
Even now as I write with my life pouring out as ink on this paper, Paper drenched in tears from eyes young but old enough to feel,
I miss your solace, your sting
Some days I wish I could travel back in time, erase the first time you made sweet love to my mind
But wishes don’t exist and here I am
Again
Starved, aching, wanting you
But not today, today I will run
I will fight, I will float
Maybe tomorrow I’ll drift into your warm embrace, but not today,
Today I’ll think, I’d breathe and let it go
Tomorrow the cycle will continue
But today, I will win!!!


About Basilia Eyowel

I’m Basilia Eyowel from Abuja, Nigeria, 23 year old deep thinker, writer/poet, a microbiologist.

I read this one aloud, and it was powerful stuff. Check out Basilia’s blog for more excellent poetry: astoldbysilia.wordpress.com

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